Confessions of a Young Black Women In America...

Racism became real to me when one of my peers looked at me in a disgusted way and asked me why I am so dark.. and that is when I realized light skin is prettier.  I was 10. 

The first time I learned of racism and its realness was a few years ago at CVS. My sister and I were doing  a little shopping and the cashier asked if we needed help finding anything. We replied "no thank you". She asked us one or two more times through out our time there and every time we answered "no thanks". She would come to the aisle we were at and act as if she was doing some work, but really we could see her checking whether or not we would sneak a mascara or lip gloss in our pockets. 

Racism became real to me when I heard my white neighbor screaming at my dad and telling him " You think just because you come from Africa you can build your own land here!" 

Racism became real to me not in the history books of my high school class rooms but on tv, seeing and hearing the news of another black man and women murdered by a cop with no real justifiable explanation other than he/she looked suspicious or threatening due to the color of their skin. 

Racism became real to me at the workplace, walking into an office and immediately being looked at as if to be questioned as to how and why I am in the space I am in. 

Racism became real to me when my church failed to speak on the real issue at hand that is affecting and killing the black community.. I then realized, that if an experience is not yours and it does not physically, emotionally and mentally hurt you in any way, why would you care right?... 

As a young black women in America, I will be 25 years old next month. More and more I think about marriage and having a family of my own in the future. But how and why would I want to raise a family in the climate we live in? I subconsciously fear that a police officer will mistaken my brother or my dad as a suspect or criminal, so to bring a black boy or girl into the world and have to teach them and show them that they live in a world that does not value their life simply because they are black? I just do not know how I would be able to navigate that. 

" Magic lies in challenging what seems impossible.." Carol Braun

I admit or as my title says "confess" all of this, not for your pity. If you are a white person reading this, the black community does not want your pity, or your apologies. For me the last thing I want is for you to feel guilty.. I heard someone say "Guilt is not the same as Repentance". Feeling guilty or feeling bad is not the point of any of this and it does not bring George Floyd, Ahmaud, and Breonna Taylor back. Instead, we all need to come together and address what is within each of us that when we can see someone that looks different from us we immediately place them in a category of "threatening", "criminal", "aggressive", "terrorist", "thief" and "Alien". 

If we do not figure it out NOW, if you do not have that difficult conversation with your friends and family now and constantly.. do not be surprised if three to four months from now people are back on the streets screaming and breaking windows for justice. 

Love, 

A Young Black Women In America...