I had to untangle myself from these fears of being judged, rejected, and disliked. I found I started growing when I mustered up the courage to stop feeling these emotions once for all. And my journey of self-love started, which resulted in discovering my self-worth that was missing or was clouded by people's opinions about me. It was time for me to release all the pain and bad memories of my younger self life to grow as a strong and worthy woman.
After so many years of my effort to find myself back, and to feel worthy and important again; I discovered that I am my only limit. No criticism and judgement can make me feel little or not-enough without my consent.
This article is going to be one of my most favorite and dearest of all the posts I've written so far! It's unique, different, valuable, one-of- a- kind, worthy, inspiring, creative, very sensitive, and emotional, than everything else I've created so far!
These adjectives that I used to define the summary of my post also reflects me. In fact it's me- who was born with all these qualities, skills, and attitude; equally worthy to be loved, liked, and included. But.....
Alert: I am going to bare my heart and soul in this post, and I hope this will bring you love, support, and warmth to your heart; if you've been [or in the past] suffering from family's and people's judgement. If you're getting constantly knocked down by others' criticisms and unfriendliness!
Before you read further, remind yourself by saying; " I will not worry anymore about being good enough and I will start accepting myself, because I am worthy of love and attention. I am important. I am enough."
Most of the times, any negative remark or a judgement puts you in a "limited version" of yourself. Even if you try hard you never get to see yourself in a better, more deeper way. It gets so blurred and confusing that we don't get to meet the real us.
I was going through a similar situation in my younger years of life. I was not defective, but yet people and "places" made me believe that, I was not smart enough, not capable enough to fit in this society. I was given labels that I carried around for so many years; until I decided to not get weighed down by those fears and embarrassments anymore!
It took me so many years to remove those layers of judgement and criticisms that I had received from everyone: family, friends, teachers, professors, colleagues, few managers, co-workers, and from distant connections. I was always judged for not being good at studies, for not being the smartest kid in school, and in the college, for not being wise enough to understand that people and "friends" are playing tricks with me, and I'm still alllowing them to hurt me again and again, allowing them to lie to me. I was judged for always being kind and naive, for always trusting others [even if they did not have the best intentions for me], for not being a pretty and a popular girl, for wanting to be loved, accepted, and appreciated.
I started hiding from the world, from everyone. So parts of me remained hidden like some shameful secret that could never be revealed. I started avoiding meeting people and interacting with them. I silenced my voice and became a quiet observer. I felt shameful to share my pain with anyone. Even if I tried, others judged me by saying that, "there must be something wrong with you!"
It felt safe to stay hidden in my own bubble of shame. I was afraid to talk to anyone about how all this made me feel so hurt and worthless. I was always afraid of people finding my secret that; "I was so worthless and incapable; that I was not like other bright kids around me- in my school, or in my family!"This fear completely sunk me and my courage, deep down to the bottom of some dark scary space, and I kept sinking deeper and deeper.
My quest to find out who I really was? What I was good at? What I can create, and can share with the world, etc., gave me the power and the idea to try different things. I didn't want to carry these childhood emotions and bad memories any further. And I decided to create something, anything that will act as my reminder to celebrate myself, everytime I wander off to those unpleasant past territories of my life. And here I'm, with this new and unique kind of artwork just using two values and just some symbols [as gap-fillers].
I've created these unique artworks dedicating them to my voice and the courage, that helped me to find my true self, that has empowered me to start feeling worthy and important again!
So let me share some more information about this unique and different art that I've created. I have only used the numbers '0' and '1' to show how 'being judged' looks like. You're considered either being a no. 1 or zero; which means nothing- with no value. If you're anything between that; nobody cares! People don't find you worthy and important. You constantly get bullied and grilled. You do not exist. You remain invisible and unnoticed. You're always perceived as less than, inefficient, and incapable.
I want to dedicate my artwork to each one of you out there, who needs a little lift, a little motivation and compassion to believe in themselves. This is for you, who needs to hear this; "that there's no fault in the way you're born. You're worthy of love and inclusion as anybody else. You don't have to be no. 1 or extraoridinary in your studies to be loved and included, or to fit in this world. You're enough! You should keep believing in your light and strength, that will be your voice for the world, to recognize you, and to celebrate you.
Creating this piece of artwork which is unique and one-of-a-kind reminds me that I'm not carrying forward any bad memories with me to my future. Here! I release all my regrets, pain, hurt, embarrassments, secrets, criticisms, and bad memories of my younger self, and shine light on it to make it the most loved space that resides within me. I am healed. I'm at peace, and I have a deep sacred connection with my core self that celebrates me everyday for everything I do for myself, and for others- as an inspiration, as a motivator, and as an influencer. There is no hate within me anymore, just forgiveness and lots of compassion.
The world needs more sensitive people like us to see the beauty others might not see, and to create the beauty that does not exist. It is important to remember that judgement is inevitable, but it doesn't have to control or define us.
It no more feels wrong to be myself in a society where we are conditioned to belive that we have to look, and be a certain way to fit in! You don't need everyone to understand or like you; you just need to understand and have compassion for yourself.
As I began to take more pride in what made me different; I discovered so many of my best unique qualities, that made me special and important.
I stopped presenting an edited version of myself to the world, and decided to share my stories, and my experiences that would help others feel confident and worthy if they were feeling trapped and confused being in a similar situation!
I hope you will like my new artwork; this new concept of doodle that I've created, and you will support me in sharing the word, and in spreading the message.
P.S. : These artworks will soon be available on ecards, and on personalized ecards in the marketplace owned and hosted by Fashion Potluck @fashionpotluck.com
I hope my stories inspire you to find the best in yourself; and to make a difference in this world- that will be led by love, support, honesty, kindness, and compassion.
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