Self-Confidence: Why We Lose It & How to Gain It
I have wrestled with confidence for a majority of my life. Much of the time I wished that I could turn the clock back to when I was playing with my friends without a care in the world. But we only have the present right? So how do we overcome the dip in confidence and try to maintain it? In today’s post, I’ll explore a big reason why we lose confidence and how we can build it up:
Origin of Insecurity
Many of the insecurities that I dealt with derived from other people’s opinions of me. Do you know what it takes to break your bliss? One comment. One mean and uncalled for comment. After the fact, you start feeling a new feeling: Doubting yourself. I talk about this briefly in my hair transformation and identity post.
After asking some of my friends about their experience with confidence, all their comments reflected a very similar story to mine. For instance, a friend of mine mentioned that she was bullied in elementary school because of her red hair. As a result of this, she didn’t have confidence in her hair type until college.
Words are powerful. They influence how we feel about ourselves more than we may realize. But how do we break out of this?
Building That Confidence
Accepting the Imperfections
We are all humans with flaws. How can we expect ourselves to be perfect in everything we do, say, or look like? It’s unfair and unrealistic to consider that type of reality. Instead, accept your imperfections. When I came to terms with my flaws, it really put me at peace because I didn’t have to fall short of an impossible state of existence.
When I do something special for myself, it feels like I’m worth being pampered. I’ve done this through shopping, changing my hair, listening to music, and taking time to relax. Take care of yourself! I cannot express how essential that is for the body, soul, and mind.
What Do You Like About You?
Find the traits you like about yourself. It could be your artistic or musical ability. Maybe you’re fantastic at makeup, a good conversationalist, have nice taste in music, light up a room… Once you recognize the gifts you possess, it is a great way to combat the negative and build that confidence!
Humor in Insecurities
When I was in middle school, some boys made fun of me because I had hair on my upper lip. I felt so ashamed and tried many methods to get rid of it. Similar to my red-headed friend, when I went to college, I was able to shed my mustache insecurity. My partner made a comment about my mustache one day and I laughed my ass off, saying, “Yeah, I could probably grow a longer mustache than you!”
Humor really adds a lightness to life. I realized that I let the comments of these boys lower my confidence for years. It was time for me to own it and take back my power.
Your Projection of Me is Not Me
People say what they want, but most of the time, people project their own insecurities onto you. Another friend of mine begged some great questions in regards to this: “Is that person going anywhere in life? Why is the person using up all his or her energy so negatively towards me? What will that person really accomplish??”
Hurt people tend to hurt others. Go ahead and process their insults. You can write it down, rip it up or burn it, and then let it go.
Don’t allow it to have power over you because it’ll only eat you up. You are better than a stupid, snarky two-second comment. Trust me when I say that letting go of other’s projections of you will set you free.
Those were some of my tips on how to build your confidence up. I can relate to inconsiderate people and their comments. I’ve recently discovered that building confidence is like a wound that requires time to heal. Just remember that we are all worth it. So don’t sell yourself short, give yourself the time to build up your confidence, and don’t give your bullies any satisfaction.
If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to check out my blog: lifelivedcandidly.com
Good luck on your journey,
I. M :
A beautiful post that should be read by everyone! Thanks for sharing it
Harumi N :
Thanks for the love!!
- Harumi N :
Renata L :
This is wonderful. I've actually been on a journey myself to find my confidence again for the past year or so, and for me, it has been all about trusting myself. I need to believe that I can make the right decisions for myself and that if I'm not 100% right all of the time, the world won't end!
Harumi N :
Absolutely! It's also not a one and done ordeal either. Confidence fluctuates constantly. It just takes times to learn how to cope with the change and rebuild our confidence!
- Harumi N :