What is being #sexuallymindful anyways?

    What is being #sexuallymindful anyways?

    Cummunication 101#4

    #Mindfulness is nothing new. In fact, we practice it daily, although we aren’t necessarily being mindful of doing so. *Wink *Wink. I am not trying to confuse you. ‘Mindful’ as defined by #MerriamWebster is “bearing in mind: AWARE”. Courtesy of #PositivePsychology.com and according to American Psychological Association (APA.org, 2012) mindfulness is defined as “…a moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience without judgment. In this sense, mindfulness is a state and not a trait. While it might be promoted by certain practices or activities, such as meditation, it is not equivalent to or synonymous with them.”

    You may see ‘non-judgmental’ or ‘without judgement’ several times while reading up on #mindfulness, we will get back to this ‘non-judgmental’, #pinkypromise. There are plenty of great #FREE apps and blogs, articles, tools etc. to help you understand and practice #mindfulness. I recommend you investigate these prior to purchasing anything.

    I stated above we actually do this everyday, right? My profession or trade, is Occupational Safety and Health. I have been working in this field ~18 years. A good part of my job is risk management, assessment and mitigation, which cannot be done without ding,ding,ding!!!! #MINDFULNESS ! And it is, I think, SAFE to say I know what I am talking about. LoL, I kill me. Ok-ok-ok, I digress. Clearly, I am not being #mindful writing this blog, I better get my daily practice in today for sure!

    Moving on. Have you ever been in a scary or exciting situation where your #spideysenses were tingling or your #puckerfactor was engaged? In these times you might have had a higher level of alertness. We, in the military call this #situationalawareness. For example you may pay more attention in larger crowds i.e. who is surrounding you, making yourself aware of exit routes, where fire extinguishers are located etc. While driving in an unfamiliar area, you may pay extra attention than if you were taking your usual route to work.

    These are all examples of being mindful, intentional, aware, and many other synonyms.

    When I was taught about #mindfulness and how important it is to #marriage, #relationships and #sex, I paid close attention. I was thinking “What is this concept all about? And how is one #sexuallymindful?” For me, I realized I have been practicing sexual mindfulness most of our #marriage without really realizing it (mind you, we are hitting 18 years in November!) Circa 2009, we went to a #faithbased #marriageretreat (I highly recommend a marriage retreat if you never been, as we can ALWAYS learn a thing or two). At the retreat they discussed many things about marriage including sex.

    One nugget of info that resonated with me was to invite #God into my #intimacy, #pray to be focused on your partner and their pleasure. Life gets the best of us all and sometimes (during sex especially) our minds tend to wander. For most women and some men, this can distract us and throw a wrench in the entire event as we can go from 60-0 with a mere thought of something #nagging at us somewhere in our minds.

    That is how I practice being sexuallymindful, every.single.time, I ask God to allow me to be solely focused on JohnE and his #pleasure. To be clear 99% of the time this method has not disappointed in the ways of my pleasure either. We aren’t perfect and there have been many of our #sexcapades interrupted or abruptly ended for one or many reasons. After all, we did raise four boys and 65% of the time something got broken or one was injured.

    Praying is how I practice being sexually mindful. It’s OK if that is not your way. There are #norules to get you to be more sexuallymindful, except just practice and doing it! Mindfulness really is just being intentionally focused on the moment, in that moment; what do you see, feel, smell, taste, hear? It is not trying to #coursecorrect but rather just acknowledging what you are feeling, seeing, tasting, smelling, and hearing etc. without judgment of yourself, your partner, environment etc.

    So, what do they mean by ‘without judgement’ or ‘nonjudgmental’? When practicing general mindfulness, you may get distracted and lose your focus, this may make you feel as though you have failed at mindfulness…PLEASE DON’T. I still practice mindfulness because I am easily distracted. Should this happen, try to simply and calmly bring yourself back to the moment. This also applies to being sexually mindful. I urge you to get out of your own head do not allow any negative or nagging thoughts, missteps or unintentional miscues from you or your partner during the intimacy process detract from the moment. Be more mindfully focused on the ensuing pleasure from the sex itself.

    Most of the time, JohnE and I are in sync and it is easy to let go of thoughts of the day’s events and enjoy one another. However, once in a while the stress of the day and trying to be passionate conflict with each other. You may even become frustrated (I know, it has happened to us). This is where #mindfulness helps. #Mindfulness can help in clearing your thoughts allowing you to focus or refocus on the intimacy.

    Of course, just like any other habit whether you want to break or start a habit, it takes practice. The more you do it, intentionally, the easier it becomes for you to be mindful when you want or need to.

    So to wrap this all up; practice being mindful (not just #sexually, most of us don’t have the time or freedom to just #getbusy all day, every day). Try a free app and start practicing #mindfulness of your body, of sounds, of #eating, of #exercising, etc. There are so many mindfulness apps and practices to help get you started.

    Now get out there and enjoy #sexual #mindfulness, and being #sexuallymindful together!

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    C-U next time.

    Thanks to Positive Psychology.com, Merriam Webster and American Psychology Association (APA)

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